On the fence since adolescence

Hi, I would like to share that I have a wife and a son and we live next door to my parents in adjacent flats. My father is 71 and my mother is 62 and I’ve forgotten the number of times that the following has happened. HE HIT HER AGAIN.

#blog, #Blogging, #physicalabuse, mom, dad, He hit her again, #thirddegree
Photo by Oleg Magni on Pexels.com

This time mom instigated by relating dad to the maid verbally in the afternoon and by the night time dad had let go of the fisticuffs. There are so many incidents that come to mind with no end in sight.

When I was a kid and such instances happened, I even advised mom to give dad a divorce to which she said that it is the same even after divorce in terms of the obstacles. Mom and Dad haven’t been on talking terms for quite a while and have drifted apart ever since I can remember living their independent lives.

It is difficult to put a finger on a trigger from either side and I am still to get over the feeling having seen them behave the way they did. I try to keep a distance between them by encouraging them to limit themselves to their rooms so that the matter doesn’t escalate.

In around 2010, they got into a verbal confrontation just about when Mom was to leave for office and she was at the doorstep walking away when dad slapped her so hard that I realized what convicts feel during interrogation in the Police Stations in India commonly referred to as the third degree. Almost as an instant reaction, without batting an eyelid, I retaliated against dad and pinned his headfirst against the staircase. He taunted me and asked that if I was man enough to hit him.

There are fundamental differences between the two and as individuals, are as different as chalk and cheese. Dad never encouraged us as children(me and my brother) to go or get gifts from our maternal grand parents. In turn, he’s always felt that he was looked down upon and treated shabbily as the son-in-law.

Maternal grandparents till the time they were alive, even now, are our closest relatives and I identify a lot with them because I’m hardly like dad but more towards the mom’s side.

Incidents such as the ones above have defined me as a person today and growing up I had a lot of trouble trying to come to terms with the torture and abuse that mom had to suffer.

Furthermore, I have made it a principle never to hit my better half and I would never tell her to stop communicating with her parents lest I hinder my son’s mental well being. For me, my wife is an independent lady and shall remain so with her own tangents and tantrums.

Makes me feel better having shared or expressed my sentiments and encourage the audience to express yourselves no matter the circumstances and NEVER EVER partake in physical abuse.

2 thoughts on “On the fence since adolescence

  1. Thanks for sharing and takes a lot of courage. Unfortunately abuse of partners (male or female) is a growing disease that threatens to rot the very core of our society. Sadly, in our own Indian culture, women have suffered at the hands of their husbands, in laws or other relations for centuries and nothing has changed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Completely agree. It is more about a misogynist attitude or a patriarchal culture when it comes to Indian society. Concerted effort, awareness and education of the younger generation is needed presently to make them aware of the pitfalls and bring it up in their consciousness.


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